SACRAMENTO, CALIF. – Sen. Richard Pan, (D), architect of California’s notorious SB-277—mandatory vaccination for school children—today proposed SB-86, a bill that calls for mandatory erasure of painful or traumatic memories, thoughts, and emotions from the memory banks of California school children.
Proponents of the bill seek to protect children from painful memories, such as skinned-up knees from bicycle riding, grief-filled memories, such as the death of a pet goldfish, or traumatic memories, such as parental divorce. “It’s all about protecting children from harm,” explains Sen. Pan with a mile-wide grin. But critics—who dub it the “mandatory memory wipe”—argue that SB-86 is just another diabolical scheme to plunge society farther into the more dimly-lit regions of totalitarianism.
Many parents believe the radical procedure is unreasonably dangerous—especially for children. In 2017, during double-blind clinical trials involving 188 orphans at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, at least 42 children died as a result of the procedure. However, bill proponents, including Doritos Rubenstein, a paralegal teacher, scoffs at the clinical trials, stating: “No peer-reviewed study shows what caused the children’s alleged deaths. Memory wiping is 100% safe and it’s also the most effective way to protect children from painful childhood memories.”
Joshua Coleman, an unemployed actor from Roseville, Calif., has a son who was left with irreversible deafness by the memory wipe procedure. But curiously, despite his son’s permanent hearing loss, Coleman adamantly claims he is “not anti-wipe!” Our Truth Hits I-Team caught-up with Coleman at a Sacramento Starbucks where he was sucking down a double GMO latte. Coleman explained: “I am NOT anti-wipe! But I am pro lots of other stuff, ya know, like, um, pro-freedom, and, um, like, pro-health, ya know?”
SB-86: Bill Summary
If it becomes law, SB-86 will require: “mandatory elimination, eradication, and removal of all brain matter that may contain painful or traumatic memories, thoughts, or emotions that may cause harm to children.” Ironically, in popular jargon, the term to “86” something means to eliminate, eradicate, or remove it.
No Opt-Out – No Medical Exemptions
The bill’s requirements are mandatory for all school-aged children. SB-86 allows no opt-out for parents who object to the procedure—and no medical exemptions. However, in what many are calling a double standard, SB-86 does provide medical exemptions for children of state lawmakers who may avoid the procedure simply by presenting a physician’s note to the school nurse.
Under the bill, the actual “wiping” procedure is deemed a nonmedical event, and therefore, parental consent is not required. And further, because it’s nonmedical, there is no requirement that a licensed physician perform the procedure. In fact, any school employee—including the school nurse, history teacher, or basketball coach—may administer the “wipe.”
When Facts Become Extinct
In a future world where nobody remembers that Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves or that George Washington chopped down the cherry tree, then, historically speaking, such facts eventually go extinct, as if they never happened.
Forgotten Immunization Techniques
Civil rights attorney, T. Matthew Phillips, Esq., adds, “Soon, nobody will remember that, back in the 60s, many forward-thinking American mothers would throw measles parties—so that their children might acquire measles, develop a full-blown case of the disease, and then enjoy the lifelong benefits and protections of natural immunity. But tragically, over time, memories of these parties fade and may go extinct, especially when internet search engines continue to display nothing but industry-slanted search results that warn against the supposed dangers of such parties.”
Forgotten Medical Protocols
So too, it seems nobody remembers that medical protocol once considered it harmful to vaccinate children with eczema. Back in the 60s, pediatricians knew and understood that eczema is a telltale sign of toxic overload in the liver. Pediatric literature from the period warned: “Never vaccinate a child with eczema!” But today, modern pediatricians have completely forgotten this former protocol, which may soon go extinct because the CDC, which is now the official advertising agency for vaccine makers, enthusiastically recommends vaccinating children with eczema.
In addition, too few people today remember that smallpox was eradicated—not by vaccines or indoor plumbing—but because the once-deadly smallpox virus quietly mutated into “mild smallpox,” a less-hardy strain of the disease, which eventually fizzled itself out a few decades later.
Inner-Ear Extraction Method
In performing the memory wipe, a hypodermic syringe is inserted into the child’s inner ear, where substances are not injected, but rather, extracted. The procedure extracts, from the temporal lobe, certain memory substances which exit the body as a foamy goo—a slimy, jellylike substance that was once the child’s memories, thoughts, and emotions.
Affects Only Long-Term Memories
Because the procedure targets the temporal lobe, it extracts only long-term memories while leaving short-term memories intact—which allows children to perform routine daily activities, like combing their hair and brushing their teeth. According to proponents of the bill, the procedure leaves undisturbed the child’s non-emotional memory functions, such as memorization of the alphabet and multiplication tables.
What To Do With All that Goo?
But many parents are asking—after extracting the children’s gelatinous brain substances—what then will the State do with all that foamy goo? Safely dispose of it? Or harvest it for nefarious corporations, like Planned Parenthood, who wish to sell it to Oprah for use in her anti-wrinkle cream?
Andrew Wakefield, director of the controversial movie Wiped! From Grey Matter to Foamy Goo, argues that memory extraction is safe—so long as memories are extracted one at a time. Wakefield explains, “I shall continue to vigorously support single-memory extractions.” However, many critics are wary of the ex-doctor—who lost his license to practice medicine for ethical violations involving children—and who apparently has a blatant conflict of interest—because Wakefield holds a U.K. patent on a single-memory extraction device, which Wakefield claims will also cure inflammatory bowel disease as well as painful rectal itch.
Families of children who have been killed or disabled by the memory wipe procedure argue that no state has the right to mandate medical procedures known to be “unavoidably unsafe”—within the meaning of the 2011 Supreme Court decision in Bruesewitz vs. Wyeth. “Where medical mandates involve products known to indiscriminately kill and disable, parents must have the absolute right to opt-out,” argues T. Matthew Phillips, who adds, “Freedom means nothing if you can’t keep the government out of your body.”
With bipartisan support from both sides of the aisle, SB-86 is now in the Senate Thought Police Committee.
Written, Produced, and Directed by TMP’s Midnight Minions
in association with Chapter Eleven Productions,
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Neurotica Entertainment Group
Copyright 2018 – Truth Hits I-Team
“Freedom means nothing if you can’t keep the government out of your body.”
~~T. Matthew Phillips, Esq.